Clueless Grownups

Part One

The winter was a daily torment of rubbery snow pants, difficult boots, and droopy mittens, but now it was finally warm for good.

Changing out of my school clothes so I could play, I asked if I could go outside wearing nothing.

"Nothing?" my mom repeated. "No."

"But it's warm out. It's really spring now!"

"You can't go outside wearing nothing. Where did you get that idea? The other kids will laugh at you!"

"No they won't. Joanne's wearing nothing. It's not fair."

"What did we say about whining? Joanne's wearing nothing?"

"Yes!"

My mom took a step towards my bedroom door as if to head downstairs and outside to check my claim, but then she turned back to me.

"You mean Joanne is wearing absolutely no clothes: no shorts, no top, no underwear, nothing?"

"What? NO! She's wearing NO SWEATER and NO JACKET!"

"Shush, no yelling. So you mean she's wearing nothing over her clothes."

"YESSSS!" I remembered to stop yelling. "So can I go outside wearing nothing?"

My mom sighed like she was ready for bedtime. "Yes, you can," she said. And I did.

Part Two

The baby of the family, my great niece, is tootling around the floor and under the table while we adults drink our coffee.

"What's that?" she asks, pointing to my ankle.

"Oh, just a beauty mark."

She is at that age where skin is better than toys and the day's not done until she gets a boo-boo and a bandaid.

"No, not that, that. What is it?" She's pointing furiously and even seems a bit nervous, so I explain to her that people can have bumps on their skin and they don't hurt.

"No, THAT!!!!!"

She clearly isn't going to let this go so I set down my cup and take a look.

Gah! My ankle and shin are covered in crusted rivulets of dried blood, set off by brighter pink splotches created when I toweled dry from my morning shower.

"Oh, goodness!" We all try not to curse around the little darling. "I must have cut myself while shaving and didn't realize it. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt. I'll clean it up."

I get up to grab a paper towel and I catch my great niece frowning at me, her little cupid's-bow lips scrunched with disapproval. The look she's giving me is so filled with scorn, you'd think she had just seen me walk outside wearing nothing.