Rebecca, Dan and Brett WHO??

It's been days now, and I have not. been able. to get. Rebecca Romijn out of my mind!

But not for the reason given by most males 13 and older.* My reason is because I just learned her last name is pronounced "romaine," like the lettuce.

Oh, you already knew that? Yes, apparently everybody knew that – even people who don't know how to spell knew that, which just seems unfair.

Thanks to her appearance as a judge on Project Runway, I am now much the wiser. Who is this "Rebecca Romaine?" I had wondered idly, attending to my Sudoku, as Heidi Klum once again busily pretended to have talent.

Rebecca Romaine turned out to be that celebrity I'd always thought of, the few times I did think of her, as Rebecca Ro-MIDGE-in. That's Ro-MIDGE-in, as in "rhymes with whoa, pigeon!".

Well, this discovery just bowled me over. You could have knocked me over with a feather.

In the spirit of live and learn, I offer these BONUS PRONUNCIATION TIPS to help you avoid public humiliation:

1. Those Phoenix area restaurants that look to be named "Majorlee's Sports Grill" are actually named after some sports guy.

You should pronounce it "Marley's Sports Grill." Unless you want your family to rename it Majorlee's in your honor, and bring it up whenever the discussion turns to the subject of local restaurants. Or sports. Or a relative, whose name really is Marley. Or whenever they feel like having a good laugh at you, for no particular reason.

2. On the subject of sports, that guy who doesn't know how to retire pronounces his name "Brett Farv."

Isn't that wild? It is not pronounced "Brett Fa-VRAY," even though that is exactly how it looks; and it is certainly not pronounced "Beret Fa-VRAY," which is how I like to think of it when I am feeling especially jaunty.

So speak out now with confidence! No need to thank me.

*That's right, I'm offering you NO LINKS! Do your own search, you lazy good-for-nothing bum – as if you don't already have this staring at you on your computer, or this bookmarked for easy access, or filled out one of these ages ago, and have the resulting stack hidden in your underwear drawer.